How to Form "Sticky" Habits: The Philosophy of Habit Formation—And 7 Questions To Get Back on Track
Repetition, effort, and attention are the key to habit formation.
Forming new habits is hard work.
Whether we are trying to be better friends, family members, or working professionals, forming and developing habits is the work of a lifetime.
Since habits largely determine the quality of our relationships, and relationships determine a great deal of our happiness, it makes sense to spend some time thinking about how we can form more enduring, “stickier” habits.
So how do we form and keep new habits? That is, how do we form sticky habits: habits that stick with us over the long term in all sorts of circumstances?
The most basic answer to that question is: mindful, intense, practice.
To grow in a habit, we need to practice the activity (repetition or consistency). We need to practice it well (mindfulness or attentiveness). And we need to practice it with a little more effort each time in order to actually grow (intensity or effort).
So how do we form and keep new habits?
The most basic answer to that question is: mindful, intense, practice.
How to Develop Stronger—and Stickier—Habits
While there is a lot of experimental research on the science of habit formation, the topic is not new. The medieval thinker Thomas Aquinas offers a short philosophy of habit formation (ST I–II, q. 52, a. 3). And his exposition develops, in part, the insights of the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle.
More recently, some of these observations from Aristotle have provided inspiration for scientific papers that seek to motivate experimental research on the topic in relation to neuroscience and what scientists call behavioral plasticity.
(One thing that this research mistakes, I think, is its characterization of habits as “automatic” and “unconscious.” While there is some truth to this, true habits are an embodied expression of a deep rationality, order, and intention. Habits do not make us into automatons. Habits make us more, not less, human. Better put, habits are an expression of what I would call embodied rationality.)
For Thomas and Aristotle, forming a new habit requires the following elements:
Consistency. To build better habits, we need to put in the reps. To get better at golf, you need to take more swings. To get better at writing, you need to craft more sentences. To get better at being patient, you first need to take a deep breath. Thomas uses the example of water hollowing out a stone. One drop does not hollow out the rock. But an endless repetition of falling water can form canyons in the desert and transform mountains into rolling hills.
Effort. But it is not enough to do the same thing over again in the same way. We need effort and intensity. Progressive overload is a key principle in weight-lifting and other exercises. To build muscle, there is no substitute for adding more weight to the barbel. Again, if I do 5 push-ups every day, I won’t magically be able to do 100 at the end of a year. But incremental increases in push-ups every week can get us to the target. To increase the habit, we can gently stretch ourselves—slowly, gradually, and consistently.
Mindfulness. Intensity and repetition are not possible without mindful attention. Practicing a good forehand in tennis involves one’s whole concentration in the moment. The same goes for listening to a friend or playing with a child. On the flip side, Aristotle wrote that an action done carelessly can undermine a habit (Ethics 2.2). If I exercise with poor form, I undo the good habit of proper form. If I get sloppy while practicing the accent of a foreign language, I will weaken my ability to speak it well in the future. If I’m scrolling on my phone while a friend is talking, I will erode the habit of being present. Habit formation asks for intention and attention.
This sort of work obviously takes a great deal of energy. We cannot successfully adopt a hundred habits at a time. So it is probably wise to focus on a few new habits at a time. And working on one habit is probably even better. The old adage applies here: a few things done well are better than a hundred done badly.
How to Remove Obstacles to Forming Habits
For most of us, though, the tricky part to forming habit is following through. If we do not actually practice a habit, nothing magical is going to happen. And saying that we “should” do something or “need” to do something is usually not going to help. In fact, it can turn us off to the whole project pretty quickly.
I think one reason we do not stick to a habit is because we do not remove the obstacles to practicing it in the first place. Katy Milkman, a professor at the Wharton School, argues that to form habits, we need to remove the obstacle that keeps us from doing the habit. You can learn more about her work in How to Change: the Science of Getting from Where You are to Where You Want to Be.
One reason we do not stick to a habit is because we do not remove the obstacles to practicing it in the first place.
The following ideas can help us remove the obstacles to forming habits so that we can practice them with consistency, with effort, and with attention.
Make it fresh. This strategy removes the obstacle of getting started. We are more likely to start a new habit at the beginning of the year, the beginning of the month, or the beginning of the week. We are also more likely to start a new habit at major life events: a marriage, the birth of a son or daughter, a new job, or a death in the family. These life events can give us a new perspective and new energy to change. So whether it’s the start of a new week—or a new chapter in your life—take advantage of these moments.
Make it attractive. This tactic removes the obstacle of acting on impulse. Use “temptation bundling” to combine habits you enjoy doing with habits you want to acquire. So if you enjoy listening to audiobooks but also want to walk more, try listening to audiobooks while you walk. You can also use “habit stacking” to combine habits you already do with habits you want to do. For example, if you want to plan for tomorrow more regularly, you can try planning each day after cleaning up after dinner (or, alternatively, at the end of the work day before turning off the lights to go home).
Make it fun. This tool removes the obstacle of general laziness. I don’t generally look forward to flossing my teeth—except when I use a particular brand of floss. It doesn’t fray or break. The floss glides between the teeth. And it doesn’t make scratchy sounds or have a scratchy texture when I use it. It’s a simple thing, but this floss makes the activity far more enjoyable. Making something more pleasant can prompt us to do it more often.
Make it obvious. This strategy removes the obstacle of forgetfulness. To put this to practice, consider using behavior cues. Implementation intentions are helpful here: “At time [x], I will do habit [y], for time [z].” For instance, after I get home from work, I will greet my spouse / friend / pet with a kind gesture. Or: after I make the morning coffee, I will empty the dishwasher. Or: after I get out of bed in the morning, I will say a prayer of gratitude.
Make it flexible. This strategy removes the obstacle of all-or-nothing thinking. Contrary to what we might think, flexibility is more important than specificity in forming habits. It is better to aim for exercising three times a week than trying to exercise three times at 5 A.M. After all, if miss the 5 AM slot, we will probably just give up on exercising that day when we could have found another time that was just as good. So, having an implementation intention can be helpful, but it should not be an iron rule. To keep a habit, it must be flexible, because life changes constantly. Try thinking of a few “backup” implementation intentions (plan A, B, and C) to practice this tip.
Make it hopeful. This removes the obstacle of low confidence. At the beginning of any habit our confidence will naturally be low. And we are not going to practice a habit if we think it is impossible for us. But if we surround ourselves with people who believe in our ability to change, it’s more likely that we will change. The dynamics of the self-fulfilling prophecy can work to our advantage when we seek out hopeful people who have confidence in us.
Make it communal. This removes the obstacle of loneliness and motivation that ebbs and flows. Joining a community that practices a certain habit can help you practice it as well. Finding friends to practice with is even better. If you want to get better at painting, join a local or digital community of painters. If you want to get better at basketball, see if there are pick-up games on the way back from work or close to your home. If you want to practice your faith more, think about forming a group of friends who can share the journey in the form of a book club or prayer group.
A growth mindset is also key to all of this. Habit change is always a marathon, not a sprint. There is no quick fix. There is no shortcut. We need to put in the reps, slowly increase the intensity of the action, and do so with mindful attention.
Have You Given Up on a Habit? Try Asking These 7 Questions
Forming habits is not easy. We get burned out. Challenges arise. Boredom sets in. Life happens. That is where it can help to ask ourselves these key questions:
How could I make this habit fresh? Give yourself a new start.
How could I make this habit attractive? Bundle it with what you love.
How could I make this habit fun? Find an enjoyable way to do it.
How could I make this habit obvious? Use implementation intentions.
How could I make this habit flexible? Come up with plans A, B, and C.
How could I make this habit hopeful? Find your support crew.
How could I make this habit communal? Practice it with friends.
These questions can help us overcome roadblocks and plateaus in the formation of habits that we’ve wanted to practice but have struggled to implement. And if you’re reading this, it’s a sign that there’s still hope to form that elusive habit.